夏威夷回来以后，老板找我谈话，除了工作，他提出一个希望：在最短的时间内看到我变成一个有自信的人！后来跟同事们谈话，他们也有同感：我缺乏自信。看来这已经是个刻不容缓的问题了。

来美国的三年，尤其是过去的半年，发现了自己性格中的一些问题：偏执和自卑。我性格很倔犟，在缺乏深刻了解和理性分析的情况下就容易走极端，这给我的生活，学习和工作带来很大的困扰。心理上的懒惰和随性让自己有时候做一些冲动的决定，然后又固执地执行自己的计划，不撞南墙不回头，缺乏弹性。自卑的渊源就比较长。出生的家庭和成长环境让我一直处于一种逆境之中，虽然表面上很好强，实际上一直自卑。还养成一种习惯：默默做事情，不善言辞。仔细分析，缺乏自信其实是缺乏能力。只有真正的打开眼界，积累经验，而且增长才能，自信才能慢慢建立起来。

‘故天将降大任于是人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行拂乱其所为，所以动心忍性，曾益其所不能。’ 在各个方面提高自己的能力和修养，才能做一个让自己敬佩和欣赏的人。

The key element to self-confidence is, therefore, an acceptance of the myriad consequences of a particular situation, be they good or bad. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more 'self-confident' because one is worrying far less about failure or (more accurately) the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. If there is any 'self-belief' component it is simply a belief in one's ability to tolerate whatever outcome may arise; a certainty that one will cope irrespective of what happens. Belief in one's abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.